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Thursday, March 8, 2012

You are what you allow yourself to be...

I used to blame others for the way I was.  I was twelve when my mother and father divorced.  I heard the fights and I knew they were not happy.  Still, it was a shock when my mother told me one day that she and my father were going to separate and I was being sent to New York City to live with my Aunt Della.  I wasn’t devastated.  I understood that it wasn’t my fault and I moved on with my life.
(photo credit: favim.com)



Years later, I told myself that I failed in my own marriages because I had not had the kind of loving example as a child that I needed to make the commitment that marriage required.   I told myself that I always wanted to keep the closeness with my sons that I lost with my own father when my parents divorced.  Yet, I failed to keep that promise to myself or to them.  I tried, but I was always busy on the road with the acts I was managing.  It wasn’t my fault, you see.

It took me a long time to come to grips with the fact that my failure to fully commit to my relationships was my own personal failure, not the result of a childhood trauma.  No one forced me to fall short.  I had allowed myself to be a disappointment because the grass was always greener on the other side of the street.  While I greatly regret the consequences of my shortfallings, I know that they made me the man that I am today.  I am still a work in progress.  But I take responsibility for my own decisions.  I wake up every morning, glad to be alive and aware that each day will be filled with as much happiness as I allow it to be.  It’s entirely up to me.

Written by Wally Amos

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